


The Ballad Of Cope And Marsh

by Ankaret



Category: 19th Century Paleontology RPF
Genre: Ballads, Elasmosaurs, Facial Hair, Frenemies, M/M, Paleontology, Poetry, Skull Theft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 17:04:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5505878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ankaret/pseuds/Ankaret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The tale of the frustrated desires and mighty facial hair of Cope and Marsh in ballad form.  Earlier drafts of this included the line 'precious cranial porridge'.  You have been warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ballad Of Cope And Marsh

**Author's Note:**

  * For [caminante](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caminante/gifts).



O stay a spell while a tale I tell  
Come sit by the elasmosaurus  
I'll explain the cause of the great Bone Wars  
And you'll all join in the chorus.  


'Twas the dawn of paleontology  
In the good old Gilded Age  
When fossil feuds grew loud and lewd  
On the academic stage  


Mantell and Owen came to blows  
In the hallowed V&A  
Evolutionists crossed the road  
To avoid Georges Cuvier  


But none were so pugnacious  
In the quest for bones and glory  
As Edward Cope and Othniel Marsh  
Come sit and hear their story  


_Sing: Allosaurus, Monoclonius,_  
_Dimetrodon and stuff_  
_They owe their fame to Cope and Marsh_  
_The men of Como Bluff._  


O Edward Cope was no one's dope  
He found farming mighty boring  
So he used his per diem to haunt museums  
And occasionally go exploring  


Some say he fled the Civil War  
But that's a little harsh –  
None had a hope to outshine Cope  
But Othniel Charles Marsh.  


O Marsh had an enormous beard  
That bristled most Confucian  
He also had an uncle kind  
Who built him an institution  


_Sing: Miocene and Pliocene_  
_Tertiary and stuff_  
_They owe their fame to Cope and Marsh_  
_The men of Como Bluff_.  


O when this pair of titans met  
It was in old Berlin  
And Cope he gazed in wonderment  
At Marsh's bristly chin  


"My, what a handsome beard!" Cope breathed  
And Marsh replied, most manful  
"I'd bet that your moustachios  
Would make a charming handful."  


Together they set out for home  
(War having quit the nation)  
To spend their days and nights in throes  
Of sweaty excavation  


_Sing: Icythyornis, Hesperornis_  
_Coelurids and stuff_  
_They owe their fame to Cope and Marsh_  
_The men of Como Bluff._  


But Cope had a fine gravel pit  
With hadrosaur bones plenty  
And Marsh's beard began to swell  
With wrath and then with envy  


"Pray leave my gravel pit alone! "  
Said Cope, 'my dearest friend,"  
Snarled Marsh "Well, your elasmosaur  
Has its head on the wrong end!"  


Cope looked at the elasmosaur  
Alas – t'was as he feared –  
" _Your_ head's on the wrong end!" he cried.  
And you've got a stupid beard."  


_Sing: Stegosaur, triceratops_  
_Diplodocus and stuff_  
_They owe their fame to Cope and Marsh_  
_The men of Como Bluff._  


Marsh turn'd pale at such treachery  
Jutted his hairy chin  
And turned his back on his old friend  
Thus did the feud begin  


So each man strove like mighty Jove  
To the best of his ability  
To ruin the other's livelihood  
And professional credibility.  


They tussled in the newspapers  
For neither was a quitter  
And bones were stolen, seized, and sold  
Unto the highest bidder  


_Sing: Marshosaurus bicentesmis_  
_Othnielia and stuff_  
_They owe their fame to Cope and Marsh_  
_The men of Como Bluff._  


They fought to name, they fought to claim  
To dig and to discover  
The prize they fought for most of all  
Was the regard of the other  


"O hirsute Othniel!" thought Cope  
As he toiled on alone  
"Why do see you when I gaze  
On each colossal bone?"  


And as Marsh heaped oppobrium  
Upon his fellow thinker  
He kept a letter next his heart  
Inscribed 'Cope, Edward Drinker'  


_Sing: Drinker nisti, Dicamptodon,_  
_Copeia and stuff_  
_They owe their fame to Cope and Marsh_  
_The men of Como Bluff._  


But alas! as the century  
Drew closer to its end  
Each had exhausted his fortune  
In fighting his old friend  


Cope groaned 'I die: I leave my skull  
To Pennsylvania College  
To prove it's bigger than that of Marsh  
And advance human knowledge  


His skull went here: his skull went there:  
His skull was lost at last  
And some suspect t'was Othniel Marsh  
Who stole that endocast.  


_Sing: Late Triassic and Jurassic,_  
_Cretaceous and stuff_  
_They owe their fame to Cope and Marsh_  
_The men of Como Bluff._  


Now our sad song draws to its end  
Dear friends, pray shed a tear  
For Othniel Marsh and Edward Cope  
And their mighty facial hair  


Those brave explorers who explained  
The bones antediluvian  
That previously were tak'n for giants  
Or dragons or the Boogeyman.  


Before their feud nine dinosaurs  
Were known, but when it ceased  
Marsh had named fifty-six, Cope more –  
Though some were the same beast.  


O if you go to Como Bluff  
In good old Colorader  
You may espy two ghosts entwined  
In archaeologic ardour.  


_Sing: Bone Wars and Great Dinosaur Rush,_  
_Fossil feudin' stuff_  
_They owe their fame to Cope and Marsh_  
_The men of Como Bluff. _  
__

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Ballad of Cope and Marsh](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9012991) by [caminante](https://archiveofourown.org/users/caminante/pseuds/caminante), [dlemur](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dlemur/pseuds/dlemur), [Eccentric_Hat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eccentric_Hat/pseuds/Eccentric_Hat), [SuperKat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuperKat/pseuds/SuperKat), [thelittlestbird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelittlestbird/pseuds/thelittlestbird)




End file.
